A Tale of Two Ways
Posted by: Emma Dalmayne
Way one:
It’s been one of those days! Your child won’t listen to a thing you say and refuses to get dressed screaming like a banshee when you try to put on their socks.
You get up and offer breakfast realising to late you’ve run out the holy grail cereal that your child HAS to have, screaming begins your day and your mood goes down from there.
You decide to take your little one out for some fresh air and then a half hour in the soft play area.
The socks WILL not go on! You literally end up sobbing in frustration while your child sits next to you chewing on his T-shirt.
Fine you decide.
No socks for today.
Your little one creates when you get their hand firmly and literally have to drag them out of the door to the park.
You wonder why the hell they are crying now?!
You waited till their favourite show was over, there’s no socks so what now?!
You get to the park and run about happily, your little one giggles and your feeling like a good parent for the first time that day.
Then suddenly they begin to chant something between a scream and a shriek repeatedly.
They cover their eyes, rocking.
You are dumbfounded, and the sound of the plane going over doesn’t help.
No soft play area now you decide so you coax them back to the car where the shrieking subsides and the babbling starts. You lean your head on the steering wheel.
Getting home they ask for their favourite cakes that are in the cupboard and you say no, in a while as you are just sorting them some lunch.
World War Two breaks loose and you end up screaming “Why?! What the hell do you want from me?!” Then you run from the room.
You run from the room.
Well done.
As many parents do not leave the room, some parents even end up putting their hands on their child as they do not know when that point has come to admit that enough is enough.
The need to have a minute, to regroup and maybe have a cry is very important. Your are human, always remember that.
You are trying, and you love your child.
You are nodding.
Now let’s look at how many times the word YOU is mentioned here.
Startling isn’t it?
Way Two:
It’s been one of those days! Those itchy horrible socks with the seams that sting are back and you are NOT putting those on!
You get up and your favourite cereal that you have everyday isn’t there! It’s the only thing you’re up eat, what will you do? You rely on that cereal to start of a very unpredictable day and you cry bitterly.
Your parent decides you are going out.
You don’t want to and again with the socks?! They hurt why can’t they see that or feel what you feel.
Ok now your parents making funny noises with water on their face again, you have a chew of your t shirt as an oral stimm to calm you after that sensory assault.
Ooh no socks!! No no no wait!! Your adverts on with no warning your leaving?! Where’s the sand timer for transition they use at play group?! Aarrgghhhh!!
Running now and parents being silly and happy rolling with you and skipping.
Suddenly there’s a change in the light, a shadow passes over in the sky, it’s a visual change startling in it’s unannounced arrival so you close your eyes and cover them, rocking to balance your vestibular and doing the screaming stimm that calm you right down.
What? That’s a problem?!
Everything’s been so unpredictable that you decide you want one thing to be your choice, just one.
Cake!! No cake? NO!! That is not right.
Oh your parents angry and they’ve run off.
You sit down confused .
Conclusion:
- Always look at why. Why does your child not want the socks on? What could be solved there? Seamless socks? They make those?!
- Bulk buy the cereal.
- Socks and sensitivities see
- Your face when you cry can look very comical if your child does not associate tears and a sad face with a sad emotion. Cards and social stories can help here with teaching emotions.
- Chewing as an oral need to regulate, chewy sticks or a clean washcloth can help with this.
- Sand timers and a visual schedule will help with transitions.
- Tinted glasses can help with visual processing problems and oral stimms are done to regulate and self soothe and should be allowed.
- Give the child a cake. Lunch will take no less then ten minutes to prepare and they need the cake. Give them the cake.
- Leave the room. Yes you did right. Parents need space to and we need to breathe. If that means five minutes in the toilet singing “ I want to break free” by Queen then do that.
- Remember the parent who does not walk away? The one who does something they may regret. You cannot slap hit or throw your child so leave the room immediately if your feelings are out of control. Also leave if you are overly tearful as you will distress your child.
- Be happy, work together with your little autie and understand you are not alone. Your child is feeling what you feel to the exact same degree, but as in the title there’s two ways.
Be a team.
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